I walked out... I quit, and that's just fine.

I've had more stories of success than failure but that doesn't make walking out of a race any easier. I'd love to say I got hurt or something incredible happened but that would be lying and I always keep it real. So why did I walk out? 

This morning I woke up and felt ill to my stomach. Whatever virus my son had definitely got me but as usual, us moms don't just fall with viruses. They linger because our bodies are always worried about taking care of others. So instead of just catching the virus, I've been playing with it. I'm nauseous, I'm not. I'm nauseous, I dry heave, I'm fine. This has been going on since yesterday. I woke up this morning and felt so sick, I couldn't have a good breakfast. That was probably when I should have called this quits but I wanted to give it 100% and have no regrets. I got to the race site and spent a good 30 minutes in the car thinking about going home. My second opportunity to go home. I ignored it and kept on. Probably not my smartest choice but I wanted to try.

My wave went into the water at 7:25 and I was averaging it would take me between 45-50 minutes. I'm not a fast swimmer so that was a decent average for me. Then came the dry heaving. I almost  got sick 5 times. I kept going and completed the swim somehow but with a lengthy time of 1:04. As I got out of the water, the rain let on with a vengeance. I could barely see.

I got to my bike, got my things on and started to drag towards the bike course under the relentless rain and tried to eat something. No luck. I couldn't do it. Then I prayed. I asked God for a sign and just as I was about to get on my bike, I see a young man coming back and he looks at me and tells me "It's miserable out there, slick and wet and it's going to be a hell of a long ride." I asked "You went out?" to which he said "Yes, 10 miles and I came back. I have kids at home and I'm not willing to have an accident. I've done many of these races and there's no shame in quitting. Sometimes you gotta know when it's not your day". It was my sign. It was not my day. Thank you God.

So in 12 weeks, I did not miss a training, I was prepared and ready. It was a most difficult decision to abandon something I had been working towards for 12 weeks but sitting here having saltines and Sprite and feeling sick, it was the right decision today. I could not have gone 56 miles and 13.1 without food. So I walked out. As simple as that. No injury, no crash, no wonderful story to decorate the fact that I quit. I chose to quit the race, not my healthy lifestyle. One race does not define me. There will be more races but there's only one me to take care of my family and I chose me today. I chose me feeling okay and not getting hurt. That's a good choice. And I tried. Sometimes, that's the best you can do. Next time, things will go better. I will try again. It's all good.