I walked out... I quit, and that's just fine.

I've had more stories of success than failure but that doesn't make walking out of a race any easier. I'd love to say I got hurt or something incredible happened but that would be lying and I always keep it real. So why did I walk out? 

This morning I woke up and felt ill to my stomach. Whatever virus my son had definitely got me but as usual, us moms don't just fall with viruses. They linger because our bodies are always worried about taking care of others. So instead of just catching the virus, I've been playing with it. I'm nauseous, I'm not. I'm nauseous, I dry heave, I'm fine. This has been going on since yesterday. I woke up this morning and felt so sick, I couldn't have a good breakfast. That was probably when I should have called this quits but I wanted to give it 100% and have no regrets. I got to the race site and spent a good 30 minutes in the car thinking about going home. My second opportunity to go home. I ignored it and kept on. Probably not my smartest choice but I wanted to try.

My wave went into the water at 7:25 and I was averaging it would take me between 45-50 minutes. I'm not a fast swimmer so that was a decent average for me. Then came the dry heaving. I almost  got sick 5 times. I kept going and completed the swim somehow but with a lengthy time of 1:04. As I got out of the water, the rain let on with a vengeance. I could barely see.

I got to my bike, got my things on and started to drag towards the bike course under the relentless rain and tried to eat something. No luck. I couldn't do it. Then I prayed. I asked God for a sign and just as I was about to get on my bike, I see a young man coming back and he looks at me and tells me "It's miserable out there, slick and wet and it's going to be a hell of a long ride." I asked "You went out?" to which he said "Yes, 10 miles and I came back. I have kids at home and I'm not willing to have an accident. I've done many of these races and there's no shame in quitting. Sometimes you gotta know when it's not your day". It was my sign. It was not my day. Thank you God.

So in 12 weeks, I did not miss a training, I was prepared and ready. It was a most difficult decision to abandon something I had been working towards for 12 weeks but sitting here having saltines and Sprite and feeling sick, it was the right decision today. I could not have gone 56 miles and 13.1 without food. So I walked out. As simple as that. No injury, no crash, no wonderful story to decorate the fact that I quit. I chose to quit the race, not my healthy lifestyle. One race does not define me. There will be more races but there's only one me to take care of my family and I chose me today. I chose me feeling okay and not getting hurt. That's a good choice. And I tried. Sometimes, that's the best you can do. Next time, things will go better. I will try again. It's all good.    

2 days?! OH CRAP!

It's been exactly one month since my last post. I opted to post a quick recap with visuals to make it interesting and to keep you from yawning although you never yawn when you read my posts, right?! Never mind, don't answer that. Here goes...

My beautiful bike....  How I love thee!

I lost count of how many miles I have done on my bike in the last month. It's a lot and we're close now. Real close. If I had to leave my house because it was on fire, and I knew my children were safe outside, I think I might go back in and get Max. (Yes, after the past month, I named him.)

I love this pic because it represents the hundreds of laps in the pool.

Swimming is BORING. The kind of boring that has you inventing weird sh** and contraptions in your head. It's so monotonous, that after inventing all these things, you even start to think that your inventions can be bigger than the "Chia Pet", "Pet Rock" and "Snuggie". Once you get out of the pool and go home, you forget whatever the heck you were going to make millions off of and you get back to your real life. That being said, I haven't lost my power to wonder and so I keep going forward.

Run, run run!

My last long run was October 26, 14 days from the tri. Since having done a full marathon back in February 2014, my mentality has changed a bit and 10 miles doesn't feel quite so long now. Also, I've never been a fast runner and I have made peace with that but I can maintain a decent pace endlessly which helps me do long runs and not really feel them until I hit +18 miles. So these shorter long runs have been nice and I always look at my feet and thank God for the ability to do these things in the first place and for the health to achieve my goals.  

Or maybe it's stupidity? No, I know the answer, it's strength shining through!

This brings us to tapering...

My current stream of consciousness on any given day now... Check the weather forecast. I'm so tired. I really need to work out more. I'm not tired, I'm completely out of shape. Check the weather forecast. This is what happens when you taper. People are full of it, they say I should taper and now I am out of shape and not ready for my race. I'm so glad I tapered. I feel so strong, wait, why does my ankle hurt? Check the weather forecast. Oh, never mind, it's ok. What the h?! Why does my knee hurt? Did I mess up my knee just days before the race? Oh, never mind, it's ok. Check the weather forecast. My neck is sore. I can't bike 56 miles with a sore kneck. How is it sore, I haven't done anything to make it so.. Oh never mind, it's ok. Check the weather forecast. I need to sleep. I can't sleep. I need sleep, why can't I sleep? Check the weather forecast. Tapering sucks. My husband is the best. Why is he so annoying? I love him. I love my kids. Man, my kids are annoying. Did I over spoil them? Check the weather forecast.

You get it right? I'm completely climbing the walls and crazy! I check the weather forecast over and over and weird pains come and go as your body repairs you and gets you ready for the big day. It still sucks! Wait, I haven't checked the weather forecast in the past hour.  Be right back...

     

Um, I mentioned that I'm losing it these days right?!

TAPERING SUCKS!

I've checked at least 50 times this week, I kid you NOT! I need help.

Guess what day my race is? If you said Sunday, ding ding ding, you're right!  

It's nature's way of showing me she's the BOSS!

It's ok, I respect and keep hoping it gets better in the next 2 days.

You're thinking what in the world does a toilet have to do with this... OH CRAP is right!

So to make things interesting because things in my life usually are, my son got a stomach virus yesterday, Thursday. 3 days before my race. We have spent 2 days near the toilet. It's his first time so he's not happy. As for me, it means a lot of cleaning and staying very close to the toilet. Today he looks at me and asks if I have it. I said "No, mommy is ok". His response? "You'll have it tomorrow!". My thoughts - I REALLY HOPE I DON'T! But in the absolute worst case possible scenario that I wake up tomorrow and need to stay close to a toilet for two days, I will simply look for the next half iron tri and sign up for it because I am damn ready and it just means I need to train a little longer. It happened last year when I was going to do my first full and I had to reschedule for 2 months later. Postponing or rescheduling does not mean you failed. Giving up means you failed and I am nowhere near doing that. Postponing or rescheduling simply means that life got in the way as it does in the lives of busy moms. I wouldn't have it any other way. Being a mom rocks!

GO MOMMYATHLONS!

Maybe. Unless I'm in a bathroom for the next 2 days. 

But, IT'S ALL GOOD!