I've been
MIA a bit and there's reason behind it. My mom suffers from a
debilitating disease and we are having a rough patch. I won't bore you all with
details as that's not the point of this post. This is just the back story of
where I am right now and why yesterday was so important to me.
This post
is about how YOU can change and make yourself stronger. Yes, YOU who is sitting
there wondering if you can do it, or if you're feeling lost and like you've let
yourself go. YOU, the mother who puts everyone first and leaves herself on the
back burner feeling less herself than she should. I hadn't posted anything
motivational in a while, wrapped up in chores and things that need to be done
and yesterday a moment with my kids reminded me to remind those of you out
there that need a few words of reassurance to see that anyone can get their
butt on track. I was reminded of how Mommyathlon started. It was me against
myself and how to turn motherhood into something stronger than it already was.
I needed to balance time for myself, my health and my family.
Yesterday,
in the midst of a very difficult afternoon with my mom, screaming children,
homework to be checked, dinner to be made and all other things we moms do from
the minute we pick up our kids to the minute we put them to sleep, I felt like
I was going to crack. You all know the feeling. It's one of those "I can't
take this anymore". Instead, I screamed (yes, I am human and I do scream
at my kids once in a while) "PUT YOUR SNEAKERS ON!!!" They both ran
and put them on and we walked to the lake that is near my house. I was starting
to feel like I couldn't breathe and I needed to get outside. It was a gorgeous
day and I needed to be a part of it, not just doing things rushing through
it.
I got
outside and immediately started to feel better. There was a slightly cool wind
blowing and the kids were finally not screaming at each other. They were happy
to be outside as I was. On the way there, speaking to my daughter, we
turned a corner and she smirked and said "Remember?" I had no clue
what she was talking about. I said "Remember what?" She answered
"MOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM" as if saying DUH you dumbass!!!!! I stared
at her blankly and she said "Remember that's where you couldn't go any
further!!!!" I smiled and laughed and replied "That's right!!"
She was talking about the first
time I had laced up and went running with her. It was about 2 years ago and she
had joined cross country. I was horribly out of shape and overweight. My son
was one year old and the pregnancy had taken it's toll on me physically and I
just had not been able to jump back into a workout regimen. My daughter had
asked me to go out with her to the lake and I had agreed and told her that I
missed working out and I needed to start doing something so I was going to try
to jog there. OH MAN, was I in for a shock!
I had
laced up, put my son in his jogger and with my daughter at my side, we set out
for "a run" that day way over 2 years ago. I lasted about a quarter
mile before I looked at her through teary eyes and said "Baby, I can't do
any more". She looked at me and said what every good daughter would say to
a mom that was in a rut, "You did good Mom, next time you can go
farther". We walked to the lake and played and had a great time. We walked
back. I was grateful for my kids and although I didn't like where I was, I was
about to change. I decided that I was going to make time for myself. A few
days later I signed up for my first half marathon and told my husband I was
going to find myself again. Hubs is an amazing man and told me to go for it but
to really train for it. Since he's a runner, he didn't want me to fail and feel
worse. I told him that I was doing it and I would prepare for it. I did and I
changed.
Yesterday,
it was different. We passed that corner. It's still the same corner, a tree
that was much smaller still stands there now taller and stronger. Sort of like
me. It's the corner I have passed hundreds of times while training for all my
half marathons and a full. I never stop at that corner because I can easily run
past it. That corner is insignificant now. It used to be a symbol. Every time I
ran past it, I knew I was better and going further. It took months for me to
get over that corner trauma. Every time I got to it, I insulted it. I know that
sounds incredibly ridiculous but there was such great satisfaction in telling
that corner to screw off every time I ran past it. Eventually as the miles
piled on, that corner crept away further and further to where it belonged and I
forgot about it. I forgot it so much, that my daughter had to remind me of it.
That was the corner that made me feel broken that day long ago and now it was
just part of my running trail.
So the
purpose of this post is to remind YOU (you know who you are standing there
feeling broken and like something is missing) that it's not so hard really.
It's perfectly doable and attainable, but you do have to work for it. Don't
think about it, go get it! Stop thinking about how you don't have the time and
make the time. Let the words "I can't" disappear from your vocabulary
as you find the ways YOU CAN.
As I face
a difficult time in my life right now, I wondered if my triathlon training
(first one in May) would get in the way or if I would not be able to find the
time. Would I make excuses again? Would I let the words "I can't"
come back into my life?
HELL NO!
I'm proud to say that I haven't missed a workout. I wake up at 5am when I have
to but I get it done. During my swims, runs or cycling, I mesh with the athlete
in me. It's my time to get stronger. It's my time to let out the fears, the
frustrations, the worries and to put them behind me as I face life.
And that,
my friends, is how Mommyathlon began. A mom who found her way to make all
aspects of her life work together without placing herself on a back burner. I
am a mom, a daughter, a wife, a runner, an aunt, a sister, an athlete, a
Mommyathlon. Life's struggles don't get in the way. They don't stop me. I own
them and I deal with them and in between all that, I make time for me and my
health. YOU CAN too!
THE CORNER
The beauty in my life.
These two individuals define who I am, but I learned that doesn't mean I lose myself.
BALANCE.
